Trust, Not Clarity

If you follow me on instagram you’ve probably seen my post about how we had to leave our townhome rental last Thursday night because our entire piping system had basically busted on us. The kids and I packed up in a hurry and drove an hour and a half to meet Matt at my parents’ house.

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Possibly one of my favorite corners in my parents' house - the coffee bar. How amazing is that for a sleep-deprived mom?! 🙌

We’ve been spending our week with them (I’m actually typing this post on my phone so bear with me!), and decided to wait to go back until after the 8th – which is of course a beautiful feast for the Church in celebrating Our Lady’s Immaculate Conception – but also happens to be my dad’s and my birthday. :) It turns out our broken pipes were kind of a blessing too, because the kids have each come down with different colds and ailments and it has been SO awesome to have some extra pairs of hands and lots of help from my family during all of this.

Even so, I have found myself in tears not just once this week (and to be honest, not just twice) because it’s been rough and I feel like no matter how hard I try to make sure my kids are fed, clean, loved, and happy, there is always something that comes up and makes me feel like a failure – even though things like common colds, broken pipes, etc., are not things I can very well control, no matter how hard I try. I also wish that God would *show* us what He wants for our future and the life of our young family. My prayers lately have been all about asking God to reveal His perfect will for us because I want us to plan and feel secure in every single, possible way.

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I know these are normal prayers from a mother’s heart, but a quote that Matt shared the other day really got me to thinking that maybe I was missing something. The quote is from Mother Teresa in response to Fr. John Kavanaugh, a priest who worked with her for a bit before returning to the States as a professor of philosophy. He was asking Mother Teresa to pray for clarity for him, and her response was:

“I have never had clarity. What I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you will trust God.”

This really hit me. How much am I trusting God with our lives and our future? We of course continue to work and make decisions for the good of our family and to the best of our ability, but when things get rough and we get weary, then what? We cannot fall into despair or hopelessness because life is hard (or because commutes are threatening to suck the life out of us!). We have to trust. And if I may add as a very Catholic mom, we must continue to offer up our sufferings for the good of our family, and for the world – both of which are very much in need of our prayers and sacrifices.

Let’s keep going then, shall we? After all, we are Christ’s soldiers and there is a battle to be fought. Let’s continue to do our best and remember to trust in God even if we often forget and need the reminder (especially me!). Also, can we all pray for each other? I’ll be praying for all of you most definitely.

God bless!

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4 comments

  1. LB says:

    This post resonated with me. In five weeks, our first joyful bundle will arrive and I find myself anxious about things and praying for God to give me clarity. Reading this reminds me that I don’t have to see how things will pan out/ come together in delivery and motherhood . Instead, I have to do my best, offer all the stumbles and sufferings to God and trust that he works all things out for good. It’s a scary concept because it forces us to let go of the illusion of control that comforts us. But it also opens the door for the kind of peace Christ offered us . Thanks Bianaca 😊

    • Bianca says:

      Definitely!! And it takes constant reminders (sometimes more than once a day for me!) to remember that trust is more important than wanting instant answers and clarity. It’s a daily struggle!! I’m so excited for you to meet your little one soon! Motherhood is very much a lesson in trust, isn’t it? Praying for you during your final stretch! ❤

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